I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Randomize
