His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
