I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
