I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
