Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The best revenge is premature balding
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Still dying that you shit outside
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
