I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
