Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
