I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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