FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
