suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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