I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
