we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
