I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize