Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
