Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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