SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
