he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
