My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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