soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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