i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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