There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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