apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
