Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
