mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
