you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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