You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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