I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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