You're so nebulous sometimes
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
