i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
