And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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