giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
