As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You have to summon your inner elephant
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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