Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize