I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
