the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
