Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
