billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
