So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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