that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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