Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
