sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize