Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
