The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize