Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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