i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
