the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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