Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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