Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
