Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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