I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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