Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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