You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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