About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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