So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Let's paint friendship bongs
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize