party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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