Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
