did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
