seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
