I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
