she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
