i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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