I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
