Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
