That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
