One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
