If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
