Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
